


Because We're Supervillains, That's Why

by presidentbees



Category: Original Work
Genre: Auideas, Original Characters - Freeform, Supervillain AU, in which i am my own OC and this is all way too surreal in the best way, super-villain au, superhero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 21:02:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6873157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/presidentbees/pseuds/presidentbees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wasn't in it for the fun, or the cute scientist, or the dinosaurs, I was working for a team of supervillains because they paid me well and I was a broke college student who struggled to pay for her own raging coffee addiction. Sure, it was weird and messy and I was like, almost always in peril, but I had to admit that it beat working at Starbucks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because We're Supervillains, That's Why

With a scream, I yanked the car’s wheel and felt the car skid as I narrowly missed a chunk of building that had fallen into the middle of the road. “Jimminy Golly Gee Friggen Damnit!” I cursed. 

“Language,” the Car Butler warned me in its robotic, AI voice. “Today, your swear count is up to: 16 swears.” 

“Bullshit.”

“17.” 

I could practically hear Em cackling as they programed and installed the AI, adding in the swear counter as an implied middle finger in my general direction. It was like a very subtle “up yours” every time Car Butler read off my daily statistic. In a way, I had gotten better at cleaning my mouth, but now my swears were mostly made out of nonsense words. 

Pulling over, I parked the car and grabbed my knapsack out of the passenger seat. I didn’t bother locking the car – the city had been evacuated, and Car Butler wouldn’t drive away with just anybody – and instead I started bolting to the team’s current location. My watch – Watch Butler – read me off the coordinates through the receiver in my ear. 

“Hello, Mel," Watch Butler said cheerily. “The team is approximately 200 yards away from your current position. Please take an immediate right on 13th street.” 

In the distance, I could hear the Mutant Psychedelic Starling crash into another building, screeching as it tried to peck at the shiny rooftops. My days of hitting the gym were paying off, and I could feel myself easily speeding through the rubble strewn street…and by easily, I mean I was trying to trip and make embarrassing gasping noises. 

But, four months ago, I couldn’t have run ½ the distance so that was some nice improvement right there. 

“They’re 100 yards away, stay alert!” chirped Watch Butler. As if on cue, there was a high-pitched squawk from the Mutant Psychedelic Starling – I wondered if Aveore had named it yet – as it apparently had spotted me. 

Now was the time to book it. Screaming, I ground my tennis shoes into the asphalt and sprinted the last few yards as Watch Butler counted me down. “80 yards…60 yards…30 yards…15 yards coming up on your left!” 

“Ffffricken McFrick-Frack Tarnation.” As I got more stressed, my curses got more and more nonsensical. 

With one final burst of energy, I half-tripped half-skidded through the open doors of a bank – a very aesthetically pretty, stone bank, I noticed absently – kicking out the doorstop that had been left there for me. Outside of the bank, I heard a terrifying crunch as the Mutant Psychedelic Starling landed on top of a parked car. 

Stumbling into the bank, I rested my hands on my knees, trying to take deep breaths as Watch Butler continued to encourage me with: “You have safely reached your destination! Good job! Mission Complete!” 

“Yeah, okay. Yes thank you Watch Butler go to sleep goodnight,” I said, panting.

“Goodnight!” Watch Butler chirped, and then powered down.

Well that was fun. Being a secretary/mother/super nanny/supportive shoulder to cry on/delivery girl for a group of supervillains was a lot of work, but the pay was decent and it didn’t interfere with my college scheduling. Also, since they operated out of a church – sometimes called The Holy Congregation of Aveore, or the Church of the Other World – I was able to log some hours as “Church Volunteer Work” which looked really nice on a resume. 

“Oh! She made it!” Aveore's head materialized a few feet away from me, owlishly large eyes rolling in their sockets to look at me, the Mutant Psychedelic Starling, and the rest of the bank all at once. I had almost – hence the word almost – gotten used to the Cheshire Cat nature of Aveore, but there were sometimes where I realized how surreal it was to work for a supervillain team where one of the members had been summoned from the Farthest Ring of Eldritch Horror Disney Land. 

“Yeah, I made it, and the burgers are safe,” I said, removing my knapsack from my shoulder. “Two hamburgers, no cheese. One hamburger, no cheese no bun. One beanburger for Em, and then a whole bag of fries for everybody to share.” 

“And the Honey Mustard sauce? Did you get the sauce?” Aveore asked, vibrating so hard that the air was doing a funny mirage thing all around him. 

“I did get the sauce.” 

With a squeal of delight, Aveore manifested a new, whiplike appendage that snaked out to grab his bag, then nyoomed – I shit you not, he nyoomed – to a plush waiting chair where he began to tear into his meal.

“I told you that I wanted a cheeseburger,” Amanda appeared from behind the bank teller’s bar, with Em trailing behind her. “Like, specifically. I even texted you to make sure that you got the cheese.” 

“Cheeseburgers don’t like you though.” Amanda had a terrible lactose allergy and was always trying to get me to bring her things chock full of dairy – ice cream, cheese sticks, pudding, whole milk, etc. – whenever I went grocery shopping for them. That was another thing I did: grocery shopping for a bunch of supervillains. 

Grumbling, Amanda took her meal and went to go sit with Aveore, making room on the couch so that she could spread out her legs. 

“Have we decided what our plan of attack is?” I asked Em, handing them their beanburger bag.

They shrugged. “Sit here, eat our food, wait for Captain McFabulous to show up and then team up to take down Lucy.” 

“Lucy?” 

“That’s what Aveore named the Mutant Psychedelic Starling.” 

“Well I mean I could have guessed that, but why Lucy?” 

Amanda looked back at Em and I. “You know like, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds? Lucy’s wings look all” – she fluttered her free hand – “diamond sparkle-y in the sunlight when she’s flying.” 

I raised one eyebrow as I sat down. “Nifty.” 

“I have been listening to The Beatles,” Aveore said, mouth-void-teeth tunnel-thing filled with burger. “I like their music because many of their final songs sound like they were influenced by The Drugs.” 

“No? Seriously?” Em said sarcastically. 

“Yes, seriously. I have done extensive research into this and I fully believe that John Lennon was dealing in illegal substances, also known as The LSD, when he wrote many of the songs.” 

I looked at Amanda, pleading with her to not send Aveore onto another one of his rambling, PBS documentary styled tangents. I looked into her eyes, and her eyes said ‘lol nah.’ 

“Tell me more about your theory, Aveore.”

And they were at it again, but that was my life. Sitting in an abandoned bank, eating fast-food while three supervillains – or two supervillains and an eldritch horror – bickered with each other over trivial things like if The Beatles did drugs in the 80’s, or if it would be better to change our team name from “The Queertuplets” to “The Spectrum Spectacle”. I sat back, enjoying my burger as Lucy continued to circle the city, probably outraged that we were having fun without her.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm screaming on my end because it's been a LONG time since I've had this much fun playing around with OC's (who are actually based off of my own friend group? whoops?). This is heavily based off of my squad's own personal AU we have going on, and here's some links to other fun shenanigans that we have made.
> 
>  
> 
> [Amanda’s costume ](http://jynnispook.tumblr.com/post/144136954976/me-n-my-villain-alter-ego-echeveria-from-a)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [Character pictures of the squad ](http://pix-m-q.tumblr.com/post/144470387378/jynnispook-galloping-gays-batman-look-at-those)  
> I'll probably write more on this once I get Vik and Em's permission, but yeah I'm having fun writing again!
> 
> Kisses,  
> -admin chamomile of auideas
> 
> EDIT: It's come to my attention that there's a debate over "super-villain" versus "supervillain" and I decided to just drop the hyphen. If we can have "superheroes" then we can have "supervillains"
> 
> DOUBLE EDIT: Also, in the supervillain AU thing we have going on, we all have new names, so this is like an offshoot thing, and then later I'll get around to writing the real fun stuff.


End file.
